Sunday, May 22, 2011

If

So I had a decent conversation happening with some dude the other night. Oddly, that doesn't happen very often, even though my profile introduces me pretty well and is chalk full of chat starters. I guess my readers have to a) read it. and b) understand what they are reading.

Anyways, we're shooting the shit about whatever, and he says to me: "So what are your requirements?"
My requirements? I must say I liked this question initially. How much cooler is that than "what do you like to do for fun?" So much cooler.

 So I thought about it, and wrote a small list of these. There are some things I just know ahead of time I can't deal with for any good length of time, so here they are:

-I'm a neat freak. I hate mess and dirt. I don't neccesarily need to be WITH a neat freak (as cool as that is, I must say)...but a guy does have to display some general cleanliness around his house. Do your dishes, put your dirty clothes in the hamper or basket, sweep the floor. Bottles and junk and shit go in the garbage, not the coffee table, desk, and wherever else. Wait...he does have to be a neat freak...sorry. Yeah.

-No POT SMOKING. Fuck...am I the only person who doesn't find this a staple of my life? It's disgusting, smells like the worst kind of ass and makes you look, smell and sound stupid.

-Alcoholics FTL. A beer or somethin once in awhile is cool. But if a guy needs a drink in his hand because it's Friday, his 8th cousin's birthday, or because of the weather. I'm amazed at te number of people my age who still drink like they're 20 and have their whole lives ahead of them to fuck up. Been there, fucked that half of my life up. Fuck off.
 
-Do NOT ever, for any reason, nag me about my smoking. I know it will kill me. I know it's bad for me and expensive. I don't care. I'll smoke til I die or want to quit. That's it. I guess it's this: don't date women who smoke if it bothers you. Don't expect me to quit what I was doing before you. I won't.

 -Don't nag me to go out every night. I won't go. I like spending time at home, Farmvilling and watching some movies or TV...and do not ever get pissy with me for watching my WWE. I know it's fake, I don't give a fuck...it's been the best entertainment of my week since 1986. It'd be really nice to have someone to watch it with me again...but I realize most dudes aren't into that. No problem...just don;t expect me not to watch it.

-I don't like men with bad tempers. And I guarantee you mine is worse than yours.

-Treat me the way you want me to treat you. Be a neat freak, don't nag about smoking. Find something else to be addicted to than weed and booze. Enjoy being at home, don't pretend we're 20 years old forever, watch movies and wrestling with me....be cuddly and nice and don't yell or be a jerk. That's all. I'm easy to keep pleased, generally.

 Oh wait...been here, fucked that up.

Anyway, the guy started immediately nagging me about my smoking. Of course he did.










 

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