Blogs: The People Replacement

Wow, you're sexy.

Thanks. Fuck.
I suppose it's bad that I get sick of hearing this from random guys. I also suppose it's bad that I use blogs as people replacements when I have no one with any brainage to talk to. But what's a girl to do? Suffer through silly conversations that make me want to shoot myself in the face, or come blog and use my brain power a little.


Brain power FTW.
This is what most people's typing "talking" looks like to my brain: bnfbbfkbfhblbffbbfblahblahblahblahblahndsbsdbhsvhfvfbbflfbkbkwow you'resexyhdkfbfvbzlfvbakfvbakfvbyouresohotsbck\jbv\jkvb\;vb\vbjbdjkhni

If my brain had a tummy, it would vomit, I'm sure of it. Also, being single is alright but it SUCKS once you see what's out there to be had...haha. Especially once you've been with someone who likes the shit you like, knows the shit you like and is cool with it. Everyone else is kinda meh after that. But whatever, eh?

I'm sure some people think I'm lame too, who but me wants to sit in this evening and watch WWE PPV, drink Pepsi instead of beer and eat snacky things instead of bar food or something from The Keg? Nobody. Only I wanna do that. Only lil ole me.

If

So I had a decent conversation happening with some dude the other night. Oddly, that doesn't happen very often, even though my profile introduces me pretty well and is chalk full of chat starters. I guess my readers have to a) read it. and b) understand what they are reading.

Anyways, we're shooting the shit about whatever, and he says to me: "So what are your requirements?"
My requirements? I must say I liked this question initially. How much cooler is that than "what do you like to do for fun?" So much cooler.

 So I thought about it, and wrote a small list of these. There are some things I just know ahead of time I can't deal with for any good length of time, so here they are:

-I'm a neat freak. I hate mess and dirt. I don't neccesarily need to be WITH a neat freak (as cool as that is, I must say)...but a guy does have to display some general cleanliness around his house. Do your dishes, put your dirty clothes in the hamper or basket, sweep the floor. Bottles and junk and shit go in the garbage, not the coffee table, desk, and wherever else. Wait...he does have to be a neat freak...sorry. Yeah.

-No POT SMOKING. Fuck...am I the only person who doesn't find this a staple of my life? It's disgusting, smells like the worst kind of ass and makes you look, smell and sound stupid.

-Alcoholics FTL. A beer or somethin once in awhile is cool. But if a guy needs a drink in his hand because it's Friday, his 8th cousin's birthday, or because of the weather. I'm amazed at te number of people my age who still drink like they're 20 and have their whole lives ahead of them to fuck up. Been there, fucked that half of my life up. Fuck off.
 
-Do NOT ever, for any reason, nag me about my smoking. I know it will kill me. I know it's bad for me and expensive. I don't care. I'll smoke til I die or want to quit. That's it. I guess it's this: don't date women who smoke if it bothers you. Don't expect me to quit what I was doing before you. I won't.

 -Don't nag me to go out every night. I won't go. I like spending time at home, Farmvilling and watching some movies or TV...and do not ever get pissy with me for watching my WWE. I know it's fake, I don't give a fuck...it's been the best entertainment of my week since 1986. It'd be really nice to have someone to watch it with me again...but I realize most dudes aren't into that. No problem...just don;t expect me not to watch it.

-I don't like men with bad tempers. And I guarantee you mine is worse than yours.

-Treat me the way you want me to treat you. Be a neat freak, don't nag about smoking. Find something else to be addicted to than weed and booze. Enjoy being at home, don't pretend we're 20 years old forever, watch movies and wrestling with me....be cuddly and nice and don't yell or be a jerk. That's all. I'm easy to keep pleased, generally.

 Oh wait...been here, fucked that up.

Anyway, the guy started immediately nagging me about my smoking. Of course he did.










 

Kitty

1. Cheddar Bean
2. Cheddar & Gary
 3. Kitty Pikachu

A Pretty Picture

3 Things

Three things you can't recover:
1. The stone after the throw.
2. The word after it's said.
4. The time after it's gone.

January 28,2011 at 10:58am

Today

From Starfleet Command

Life is but a whisper.
Engage.

Another lovely day in Winnipeg. 20 degrees, zero wind but for a gentle breeze. Out of work early, money in my pocket. Awesome.

I spend a lot of time alone still, have a lot of time to think. Last week, when the Prince married his pretty Princess Kate in a beautiful royal wedding, I remembered watching, vaguely, the wedding of his parents on television. Prince Charles and his lovely Lady Di.

"That was 1981," my Grandmother said to me when I mentioned it.

"1981...hey, wait....was that just ME remembering 30 years ago? What the Hell?" Where have I been all this time, meandering my life away. When you start remembering back more than three decades ago, it's time to start taking what life you have left more seriously, me thinks. I just might have 30 years left to spend living.

Yesterday, thanks to Facebook, I talked to a man I dated 20 years ago. I posted an "old" Guns n' Roses song (old, yeah right...so old. Rocket Queen will never be old). He said:

 ever been sooo high you broke out of a campground while listening to guns & roses ,,, while the poor ppl in next tent site are being nosey and think there has been a murder !! LMFAO ????


Well yes...yes I have...LOL


i often wonder if it would have been easier to calm down and find the EXIT instead of smashing through the entrance gate and jumping the ditch ?? oh well,, the story would not have been as interesting i guess !!


Calm down and find the exit...haha. If we had calmed down and found the exit, we wouldn't be discussing it 20 years later with big smiles on our faces.




We're too old for that shit now, no doubt. But it's still funny to think about and recall from time to time. Those poor people at the campground were scared to death. And so was I when we tore through that gate and jumped the ditch like something out of the Dukes of Hazard. But I didn't let that stop me from enjoying every stoned second of it. Oh my lady PCP, mixed with colored LSD, washed all down with endless beers.


I was 15 years old back then, in 1991. I was crazy and lost and thought I'd either die pretty soon or find my way along somehow and live forever. Either way, I didn't really care, and somewhere along the way I forgot to look for myself. It took twenty more years to find me.


Now here I am. 35 years old, living back at home with my Momma for the first time since the year we broke out of the campground like Beau Duke and Daisy Mae on crack. Since I arrived, three months ago, I've realized a bunch of things, but these two most of all: life is but a whisper. It's over before you know it; and: you have to make yourself happy first, then everyone and everything else just follows along.


I've loved a bunch of people in my life: My mother, my brothers, my first best friend Ehran, my son Jesse, my nephew, and two of my exes. The only person I never loved was me. I've realized that when you don't love yourself, you just end up taking that out on the people you do love, which sounds backwards as fuck when you say it, but it makes sense when you think about it long enough. When you don't love yourself, you have a hard time believing someone else might.


True story.


So I unleashed a whole lot of bullshit on everyone I love, my whole life long. There's nothing I can do about that now, what's done is done. I have no control over the past, but I do have total control over the future (as far as it involves me).


I've managed to make up some of it, with my family, who seem to have forgiven me for not being around these last two decades. Unconditional love is like that: no matter what kind of asshole you are, people will forgive you. And thank god for them, because this time, this time, there was no dragging myself up out of the gutter alone. Not this time.


People who  have known me a long time say that they see a change in me. I see it too. I have two regrets. One I think I can fix, and one I probably can't. But overall, it's good. I'm good. For the first time in a long time I can look myself in the mirror and see a happy face. So much older than she used to be, but smiling just the same. Only two things bring the pout on, but that's another story.


And fuck, I love my hair.